Conflicts and Reconciliations

Last April 20, I watched the screening of the film-documentary “Return to Sölöz” by Serge Avedikian, an Armenian-born French producer, director, and actor. It explores the themes of identity, memory, heritage, historical truth, and reconciliation during his four visits spanning more than 30 years (1987–2019) in a Turkish village of Sölöz, the home of his Armenian grandparents.

“Return to Sölöz” combines personal reflection, village life, archival footage, and conversations with local residents of Armenian, Greek, and Bosnian ancestry who have forgotten their roots, or who simply prefer not to remember them. It begins in Paris and moves on to Istanbul, revisiting the 2007 assassination of the Turkish-Armenian intellectual and journalist Hrant Dink, who’s critical of those who deny the Armenian Genocide. Then, the scenes follow one sentimental event after another, e.g. a large number of Armenian graves found in the village and the museum project initiated by a local resident, which was blocked by local authorities, who denied the existence of cultural minorities since the days of the Ottoman Empire.

Reconciliation helps individuals and societies move from endless pain, i.e. toward some form of peace, even if that peace includes remembering, grieving, and setting firm boundaries. Reconciliation, even for everyday conflict, isn’t instant. It’s a process, and it’s okay if it’s slow or uneven.

Serge answered our questions with sincerity, humility, and hope. Before leaving the theatre, I found myself wondering whether I could reconcile with people who have caused me pain. It’s easy to nod when you’ve never been the direct target of abuse or cruelty. It’s a different story when the suffering reaches the people you love and stretches over many years rather than short moments. In that situation, reconciliation becomes complicated, and the only realistic path forward is learning how to live with the truth of what happened without allowing it to consume or destroy you.

For instance, spending years under a manipulative manager who publicly undermined you, took credit for your work, or slowly damaged your confidence and career growth impacts a lifetime.  Even after leaving the job, you could have self-doubt, burnout, or difficulty trusting future colleagues. “Making peace” in that situation does not necessarily mean rebuilding a relationship with the person who caused you harm. It may mean arriving at a point where the experience no longer controls your sense of self-worth or your ability to move forward professionally and emotionally.

The harm at home, at work, or elsewhere that we refuse for ourselves should never become acceptable when directed at others.